Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
