Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize