I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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