Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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