Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
