About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
