i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
