My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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