I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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