did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
