i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
