I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
