i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You are the jesus of drinking
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
