Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
