you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize