Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
