smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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