he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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