I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
