i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
