Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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