the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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