there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
