How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize