So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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