I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
