your room smells of hookers.
And success
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
