my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
