Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
