At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
