I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
