I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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