Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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