I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
