i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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