Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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