Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
