BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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