He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
