He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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