i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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