I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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