Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
