Please, let me fuck your mom
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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