i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
