i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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