I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
