I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
