Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
