a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
