Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The beer is more important than you right now.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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