yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
