Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
