I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Randomize
