Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize