There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
