i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
