Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize