Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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