his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
