Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i think my mom watched the whole time
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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