They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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