My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
