So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
