cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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