I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
