I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
