So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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