She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
