babies were throwing up all over the place
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
