I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Pants are for mortals
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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