I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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