operation harelip BJ is a go
I wish you could order shots online.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize