I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
