You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
