At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
