i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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