i just wanna soil my oats bro
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Your cock deserves a montage
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
