failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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