She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
