Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
