i think my tv is drunk
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
