Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
