Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We left the knife in your bed.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
