I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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