So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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