Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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