sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
