K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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